1958, Directed by Gene Fowler Jr

Typical – you marry the man of your dreams and he turns out to be some kind of rubber alien.

Obvious parallels with The Invasion of the Body Snatchers aside, this looks like standard 50’s B-Movie fare. It serves up the standard menu of paranoia, dodgy special effects and men dressed up in funny Martian suits. However, unlike other 50’s B-movies this one is apparently quite good.

Several sources say that this movie was banned in Finland. I wonder why? It seems to be fairly harmless. I can only assume that Finnish Government were all secretly aliens at the time, and were worried that releasing the film would teach the population how to see through their disguises.

I Married a Monster from Outer Space was remade for television in 1998 as I Married a Monster, splendidly featuring the lead actors from the original as an old couple.

Favourite bit: The lightning-flash-evil-face-reveal, or LFEFR for short.

IMDB LINK

AKA Monster from Mars, Monsters from the Moon

1953, Directed by Phil Tucker

Oh, don’t look at me like that. I had to put it on here eventually.

The most infamously lazy monster design in history terrifies mankind by playing with a bubble machine. Great. Although he also apparently has the power to unleash terrifying dinosaur footage edited out of another movie, One Million B.C.

The wonderfully over-the-top voice-over really puts the ‘hyper’ in hyperbole. “Robot Monster brings you an actual preview of the devastating forces of our future!” So our future consists of gorillas with diving helmets and bubble machines? Not sure if I’m looking forward to that or not, to be honest.

Favourite bit: The end plate with the alternate title Monster from Mars. The monster shown is clearly just a welder.

IMDB LINK

AKA Earth Defense Force, Phantom 7000

1957, Directed by Ishiro Honda

They’ve come from beyond the stars to steal our women! By sending bubble-headed goons and a Godzilla-type thing.

There’s plenty of missiles, ray guns, floods and mayhem on show in this Japanese sci-fi flick. Which is how it should be, of course. I’m not sure if having the word “Mysterians” shouted by a different voice-over bloke was entirely necessary though.

Pointless Trivia! This movie’s original Japanese title is Chikyû Bôeigun (Lit. Earth Defence Force), the same name given to a series of video games based on a roughly similar premise, but with added giant insects. And early rock band Question Mark and the Mysterians were partially named after this movie.

Favourite bit: “Mogera”, the mole-faced giant robot that appears to be made out of corrugated boxes.

IMDB LINK

AKA Kronos: Destroyer of the Universe, Kronos: Ravager of Planets

1957, Directed by Kurt Neumann

A vanguard of sudden death! Science fiction’s biggest thrill sensation! A busload of excessive hyperbole!

So then – A giant cartoon obelisk (seemingly made out of stealth Lego) comes out of a UFO and starts draining the world’s energy. I wonder if there’s a metaphor for communism in there somewhere, as movies from the late fifties were rife with such things.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this may be a more serious science fiction film than the trailer would have us believe. I wouldn’t put any money on it, though.

Favourite bit: “Emotional Assault” – Oh, come on.

IMDB LINK

AKA Death and the Green Slime, The Battle of Space Station Gamma

1968, Directed by Kinji Fukasaku

Green Sliiiiiiime! Greeeeeen Sliiiiiiiiiime! Every horror movie should have its own funk-rock soundtrack.

Some sterling model work kicks off this entertaining trailer, before the oddly out of place soundtrack kicks in and we see the rubbish aliens. The titular “Green Slime” don’t appear to be green or comprised of slime, but I suppose “The Brown Lumps” didn’t sound as exciting.

Amazingly, this movie was directed by Kinji Fukasaku, the cult Japanese director who gave us the brilliant Battle Royale. Blimey.

Favourite bit: The singing. OF COURSE.

IMDB LINK

1968, Directed by Nicholas Webster

This zero budget science-nonsense looks even worse than recent Mars movies Red Planet and Mission to Mars, and that’s saying something.

As far as I can ascertain: The guy who played Kolchak the Night Stalker flies to a giant mouldy tennis ball in a Fairy Liquid bottle, and finds a much smaller mouldy tennis ball which contains an alien speaker system. And at some point he has sex on a beach. It’s hard to believe that 2001: A Space Odyssey was released in the same year.

Favourite bit: The design of the astronaut’s helmets which are open at the bottom. I’m no expert, but I strongly believe that would be something of a health hazard on the surface of Mars.

IMDB LINK

AKA Return of the Aliens: The Deadly Spawn, The Alien’s Deadly Spawn

1983, Directed by Douglas McKeown

“The film real science fiction fans have been waiting for!” That’s what we call a lie.

The Deadly Spawn was a fairly dire attempt to cash-in on the success of Alien if the voice-over and the alternate titles are to be believed. You certainly wouldn’t ascertain that fact from the footage.

There are a couple of nice set pieces in the trailer – the ‘inside the monster’s head’ camera angle, and the silly dismembered arm joke. But despite all the rubber monsters and blood, the most shocking aspect of this movie appears to be the acting.

Favourite bit: The old lady being bitten on the ankle by a killer space tadpole.

IMDB LINK