AKA Save Our Beach

1978, Directed by Al Adamson

A bit of comedy, a bit of heavy-handed political allegory and a fair chunk of softcore pornography combine to make Sunset Cove, one of those low-budget movies that David Carradine appeared in during the late seventies.

Those pesky property developers want to build condos on the beach, and only a ragtag band of clichéd idiots and underwear models can stop them! And a naked Clark Kent on a motorcycle. We don’t know if the very bored sounding voice-over woman makes an appearance, though.

Bad luck if you’d like to watch the full movie – It’s classified as ‘lost’ because there are no known copies in existence. Though it doesn’t seem like a great loss to society, it’s always sad when something’s gone forever.

Also: Don’t confuse this movie with Malibu Beach, another beach movie which was released the same year and was known as Sunset Cove in the UK.

Favourite bit: “Someday, I’m gonna shoot your nuts off.”

IMDB LINK

1979, Directed by William A. Levey

Patrick Swayze’s first acting job! And what a job it was too, in this holy grail of disco movies.

The clothes and hair on display are nothing short of legendary. But no matter how bad it looks, at least it isn’t Xanadu…

Despite a cult following this movie remains unreleased for home viewing. There must be problems with the rights to it, or the original film has been lost, because it’s never been shown on TV either. (UPDATE: A low quality 16mm print was found and transferred to VHS, then DVD. You can order a copy from here, apparently.)

Favourite bit: Despite my fascination with the idiot who inexplicably fires a gun in a disco, it’s got to be the chap with the glittery beard.

IMDB LINK

1965, Directed by Bert I. Gordon

Bloody teenagers – always drinking magic potions, growing to huge proportions and taking over villages. Back in my day we were content to be werewolves.

Unlike most real-life experimental drug trials, the kids don’t seem to suffer any negative side effects. Well, apart from the way they move v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y.

Apparently Happy Days veteran and big-shot director Ron Howard plays the genius who makes the growth potion, but I couldn’t spot him in the trailer. Interestingly, this film was directed by Bert I. Gordon who seemed to specialise in making movies where things were too big or small. He was probably a midget or a basketball player.

Favourite bit: The ridiculously spindly fake giant legs which the woman on the motorbike winds a rope around.

IMDB LINK

SPECIAL BONUS CLIP: This scene really has to be seen…

AKA Palisades High

1976, Directed by Joseph Ruben

The voice-over claims: “It’s funny. It’s sexy. It’s the craziest motion picture ever seen.” There doesn’t seem to be much evidence to back up those claims in this trailer.

A low budget attempt to appeal to the teenagers of 1976, ‘The Pom Pom Girls’ appears to be nothing more than a bad attempt at comedy strung together with some ultra-softcore pornography. The voice-over woman sounds like she’s overdosed on horse tranquilisers, and that’s probably the best state to be in if you have to watch this movie.

Favourite bit: The bottom wiggling, bikini-clad girls at the start. Obviously.

IMDB LINK

1967, Directed by Jerry Gross

A tawdry exploitation film masquerading as a cautionary, educational tale? That’s pretty low even by the standards of dodgy B movies.

This trailer features that old Hollywood conceit of teenagers being portrayed by actors who are obviously about 25. Also, the voice over seems to have been provided by an angry drunk.

I’m worried by what “A brief lecture on how to use our bodies” entailed. At least it was presented in “language that everybody can understand!” (Esperanto?) Apparently near the end of the movie an extremely graphic medical training film of a birth is shown, which probably put any female viewers off having children at all.

Favourite bit: The short clip of the dancing chap who looks like he’s having a seizure of some kind.

IMDB LINK